


Everything but the Kitchen Sink

by 27dragons, tisfan



Series: Tales from the Communal Kitchen (the ex-assassins files) [17]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Cut Scenes, Family Issues, Found Family, M/M, Music Playlist, soundtrack for a fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-09-07 03:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8781655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/pseuds/27dragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: Just some bits and bobs that didn't have other homes but which we wanted to share -- soundtracks and deleted scenes and partial fics.Note - The title of this has changed from what it was (Tisfan's Winter is Coming Soundtrack) so don't panic if you don't remember seeing this before!





	1. Tisfan's Winter is Coming Soundtrack

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justalurkr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalurkr/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally posted 9 Dec 2016. Mentioned because the "what's next" at the end of the chapter is now far out of date. :D

**Introduction**  

 **Tisfan** : I have a medical condition called tinnitus; ringing in the ears. I’ve always had it. When I was a child, like five, maybe? I remember listening to the steady, constant sounds inside my head and thought that ghosts were trying to talk to me. I have never heard silence. The quieter a room is, the louder the sounds in my head are. On particularly bad days, the noise in my head is loud enough that I can’t hear anything in the real world. 

I was in college before I even knew the condition had a name; despite complaining about it from time to time, doctors and parents decided I was “looking for attention,” and I spent most of my formative years believing that I was making it all up. 

When I got to college, I discovered white noise as a concept; if there’s a fan running, or a fish tank bubbling, or music/static in the background, I can handle the noise in my head a lot better. Dragons and I roomed together at college for a while, and I drove her a little nuts because I still didn’t know how to tell her how necessary the fan’s sound was. 

 **27dragons** : I like music, but I have weird hearing problems, and I CAN NOT FILTER SIMILAR SOUNDS. If I'm listening to music and someone talks to me, then everything they say comes out like a Charlie Brown adult ("wah-wah wah wah-wah-wah") until I've managed to switch gears. It made living together a real challenge, especially since iPods and smartphones and other portable music libraries didn't exist yet. (Yes, we're old.) 

 **Tisfan:** I’m always, always listening to music. I’m a hoarder, as far as music goes; at last count, I have something like 32,000 mp3.s. I have a weird habit of buying music in bulk -- yard sales or thrift stores, I’ll buy everything in there. I don’t even care what it is. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. But it does mean I have a really wide variety of stuff to chose from, too… 

I like to make playlists; I’ll associate songs with a character or a setting and after a few run-throughs, I can drop into the mindset of that location/character after a few songs, even if I don’t feel inspired to write. So, I wanted to share my soundtrack with you. I’m going to try to give links to YouTube and you can follow my Spotify account, if you want <https://open.spotify.com/user/123035638> and listen to the Bucky and Tony playlist… 

Some songs I’ve selected particular lyrics that mean something; others are songs that I associate with them because other people have made good videos (I’ll link the custom vids when applicable) 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this 

*Note: While writing, 27dragons and I kinda divided up the characterizations; you may notice a lack of Tony songs here… Bucky’s my main squeeze and I’m usually writing his Point of View, or cleaning up his dialogue. There are a few Tony songs here, but most of them are either relationship songs, or specifically Bucky persona pieces. 

* * *

 

 **Soldier** \- Samantha Jade - <https://youtu.be/Ravo2suwRlA> Custom Video This video is very pretty and primarily cuts of Bucky/Winter Soldier 

 **Control** \- Halsey - <https://youtu.be/fzT7VdmC_hY> Custom Video This video is pretty damn impressive and gives me all sorts of feels. I found it while looking for video of the 10 words… 

 **Dangerous** \- Big Data - <https://youtu.be/E8b4xYbEugo> Official Music Video I really love this song, the rhythm of it… the lyrics are particularly evocative, and they enhance a sense of paranoia that I thought particularly appropriate to Winter Soldier Bucky  
  
How could they know, how could they know  
What I been thinking'  
Like they're right inside my head because they know  
Because they know, what I been hidin'  
They're right under my bed, they're in control

 **One of Them** \- Jace Everett - <https://youtu.be/5ux4xLN1hyI> Official Music Video I have to say, without a doubt, I love Jace Everett. His voice really gets me, and this particular song puts me in mind of Tony. 

 **Dead Inside** \- Muse - <https://youtu.be/I5sJhSNUkwQ> Official Music Video I came into liking Muse because of Twilight. (Bucky and I share tastes in reading material; both of us love Young Adult novels like Twilight and Percy Jackson) and this song is applicable to more than just vampires and emo goths. 

 **Native Skin** \- Neulore - <https://youtu.be/KQcdvRI7DfM> Official Music Video I first heard this song on the SyFy original series, Killjoys (great show, if you haven’t seen it) and the <http://www.metrolyrics.com/native-skin-lyrics-neulore.html> lyrics have a very Bucky/Tony feel to them. 

 **The Edge of Heaven** \- Wham! - <https://youtu.be/cCqEyJc-wdk> Official Music Video In case it’s not been especially obvious, both dragons and I view Bucky as being rather possessive, especially of Tony. He’s been in Hydra hands for so long, whenever he finds a bit of pleasure, he’s kinda desperate to hold onto it for as long as he can and is very reluctant to give it up. He recognizes that it’s not (as Tony puts it sometimes) good boyfriend etiquette and he tries not to let it dictate too many of his actions, but sometimes it gets away from him. 

I would lock you up  
But I could not bear to hear you  
Screaming to be set free  
I would chain you up  
If I'd thought you'd swear  
The only one that mattered was me, me, me  
I would strap you up  
But don't worry baby  
You know I wouldn't hurt you 'less you wanted me to  
It's too late to stop 

 **Blame it on the Bottle** \- Pasadena - <https://youtu.be/-RHCrPkipBw> Lyrics Video A Tony song here… while Tony doesn’t fall of the wagon in this particular universe (there’s a part in a later fic where he has a rather instense craving for a drink, but doesn’t give in) his alcoholism is a huge part of his backstory. Also, Pasadena is one of my favorite bands; I have a monster crush on their bassist, who has the most amazing fingers (I’ve seen them live a few times and I spend the whole concert staring at him because just WOW) Most of their music has a really great rhythm line and it tends to fall in harmony with the speed I type, so I have at least one of their songs in almost all of my playlists. When I’m having a particularly tough writing day, I often just pull up my Pasadena list and play nothing but. 

 **Break the Walls** \- Fitz and the Tantrums - <https://youtu.be/r4tj31L_Bag>. Cover Art Video This one’s not Bucky/Tony at all. In the next fic we’re going to be posting, _What Gets You Through The Night_ , there’s a joke where Bucky changes Steve’s ringtone to this song after getting fed up with some of Steve’s bedroom antics (which mostly involves Steve and his partner being VERY LOUD and Bucky having ENHANCED HEARING) 

 **Here I Dreamt I was an Architect** \- The Decemberists - <https://youtu.be/Sy0NySwzDzY> Lyrics Video

And here I dreamt I was a soldier  
And I marched the streets of Birkenau  
And I recall in spring  
The perfume that the air would bring  
To the indolent town  
Where the barkers call the moon down  
The carnival was ringing loudly now  
And just to lay with you  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
Save lay my rifle down 

Yeah, this song just screams Bucky to me, especially the 1945 version that ended up falling in love with Celeste. 

 **A Thousand Years** \- Christina Perri - <https://youtu.be/rtOvBOTyX00> Official Music Video And here we are back at _Twilight_. That being said, this song is one of the most powerful, meaningful love songs I’ve ever heard and I usually put it in every romantic playlist I make; it’s the sort of song that puts me in the mood to write the smut scenes. 

 **Up from the Ground** \- Fort Atlantic - <https://youtu.be/qtZJY1G0otw> Official Music Video I first heard this song in a particularly emotional episode of _Longmire_ , which is a Western/Crime Drama show. I really love this piece of music and it’s all about getting back up when life fucks you up, a theme that’s very demonstrable with Tony’s struggle through the Iron Man movies and all the way through Civil War. (I have very strong feelings about Civil War, which readers have no doubt picked up on as they’ve read through our stories) 

 **Take Me To Church** \- Hozier - <https://youtu.be/MYSVMgRr6pw> Official Music Video So, you’ve seen the ballet video that I linked to during Chapter 18. This is the official music video, which I think it very much worth a watch. I love this song to pieces… 

 **Bad Things** \- Jace Everett - <https://youtu.be/sMPNjPpdjKU> Official Music Video</a> Now I’ve never actually seen the TV show that this is the theme music for, but I love Jace Everett and this song has a special place in my heart and on one of my other commonly listened to playlists (I’m too sexy for this playlist) 

 **Trouble** \- Pasadena - <https://youtu.be/FQo7iBCfcb0> Cover Art Music Here’s Pasadena again. Love this song. (my particular favorite song of theirs is called Ring on the Table, but since that’s a breakup song, I didn’t want to include it in my playlist.) This is actually more of a Steve song; While y’all have been suffering through Winter is Coming, dragons and I have several more short, mid, and full length fics for you. 

So trouble come find me, wherever I go.  
Don't make it easy, make painful and slow.  
The day that I don't have to climb,  
Will be the day that I lay down and die.  
So trouble come find me please 

Yeah, you can’t tell me that’s not Steve all over…

  
**Bodies** \- Drowning Pool - <https://youtu.be/04F4xlWSFh0> Official Music Video I’m pretty sure this song needs no explanation; combat music. 

 **Aside** \- The Weakerthans - <https://youtu.be/zqngbGz_nrE> Cover Art Video Here’s the http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/weakerthans/aside.html lyrics for you. I use this song to get right into Bucky in recovery mode… the disjointed sense of the words and the music really feel like the sort of _deviant behavior noted_ that Bucky had going on for the first few chapters 

 **Adrenaline** \- Gavin Rossdale - https://youtu.be/dshpSiyqkTU Cover Art Video another one of those ‘needs no explanation’ songs. Combat music... 

 **Ruff Me Up** \- Brooke Hogan - <https://youtu.be/Y000VDvCuIk> Cover Art Video Another song from my Too Sexy for the Playlist… the boys have some rough sex with a lot of biting, so this one just seemed suitable for them… 

 **Sucker for Pain** \- Lil Wayne -<https://youtu.be/-59jGD4WrmE> Official Music Video While we were writing this fic, I saw both Ghostbusters and Suicide Squad, so in between playing off this list, I was also listening to both soundtracks, and this one just lodged in there, so I eventually added it to the list. Also, because I’ve been accused multiple times of torturing my characters and my response to that is always… well, YES, duH! 

 **Damned if I Do** \- Jace Everett - <https://youtu.be/hQhVSrKcxbU> Cover Art Music Look, more Jace Everett. Sorry about that. 

 **Bombing Bastards** \- Terranova - <http://tisfan.tumblr.com/post/153956139919/fairygothfather-this-is-so-erotic-every-time> Tumblr post Obviously I have the full song in my playlist, but this little minute long video is one of the best edit jobs I’ve ever seen. Dragons and I call this the **Bucky Whump!** Video and I actually downloaded a copy to my computer because for a while the instagram user who made it was off the web and I like to watch it regularly. Honest, I’ve probably watched it at least once a day since the first time I found it. If you think action movie violence is sexy as fuck, kick people out of the room and watch this vid a few times. 

 **Said She was a Dancer** \- Jethro Tull - <https://youtu.be/sqPgri_R8o8> Cover Art Video This is a Natasha song… it’s about a Russian Ballet Dancer, so you know, I’m not even being subtle with my symbolism or anything now… Jethro Tull is one of my favorite bands of all times (I have seen them live… like 8 times now?) and Crest of a Knave is my second favorite album... 

 **Blink** \- Revive - <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpR5h0QXPYI> Custom Avengers Video Okay, I confess, this is not even remotely related to the rest of the music in the playlist. I found it while digging around trying to find good Hawksilver ships (I haven’t found many, so if you have recs, I’d love them!) I really, really like Quicksilver, I was REALLY FUCKING PISSED at Joss for killing him. This video is sad, so if you don’t want to be sad, skip it. I have too many feelz sometimes. 

 **Sugar** \- Maroon 5 - <https://youtu.be/fmTKcyp7tmo> Official Music Video</a> Here we skip forward again, this is a Steve/Jessica Jones song (we’re calling that ‘ship “man with an alias”) There’s some backstory to it that’ll eventually come out in that fic, but long story short, “sugar” is the pet name that Steve uses for Jess for most of the story… 

Madness - Muse - [https://youtu.be/Ek0SgwWmF9](https://youtu.be/Ek0SgwWmF9w) Official Music Video

Come to me,  
Trust in your dream  
Come on and rescue me  
Yes I have known, I can be wrong  
Maybe I'm too headstrong  
Our love is  
Madness 

Someone else suggested this song to me, (I can’t remember who). I have a poster on my wall, just above my desk that says _Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “Hey, is there room in your head for one more?”_ In a nutshell, that’s what writing is like… one more voice... 

 **You Might be Right -** Billy Joel - <https://youtu.be/SCtC-LoOvqs> Cover art video Another Steve and Jessica song. Steve uses it as his ring tone for a while… but mostly because of these lyrics 

I've been stranded in the combat zone  
I walked through Bedford Stuy alone  
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain  
And you told me not to drive  
But I made it home alive  
So you said that only proves that I'm insane 

 **Break Me Out -** The Rescues - <https://youtu.be/aehMa8YqnOs> Lyrics video I picked this song up several years ago; there was a sale on one of my music sites, songs for twenty cents apiece. This was one of them. 

Break me out tonight  
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here  
Come with me  
Oh, this could be  
The only chance we get  
We gotta take it  
We don't do it now we'll never make it  
Lose this crowd  
Oh, break me out  

 **Through the Dark -** One Direction - <https://youtu.be/C9KA5xGStJg> Lyrics video I feel like I should apologize for subjecting you to a boy band, but this song’s actually pretty. 

But don't burn out  
Even if you scream and shout  
It'll come back to you, back to you  
  
Oh I will carry you over  
Fire and water for your love  
And I will hold you closer  
Hope your heart is strong enough  
When the night is coming down on you  
We will find a way through the dark 

 **Your Love Could Start a War** \- The Unlikely Candidates - <https://youtu.be/UrmgBrIfLcM> lyrics video okay, so Spotify does this thing where every week they give me a custom playlist, about 90 minutes long, that’s semi-based on the music I already listen to. Some of it sucks. But a few weeks ago, it gave me this song and I was just blown away. 

 **You Wreck Me -** Tom Petty - <https://youtu.be/B8m5p6V_NPQ> Official music video - I’m not sure, exactly, when I started using “wrecked” and “ruined” to desribe people after they’ve had sex, but yeah, vivid imagry. (one of my friends who writes fic -- if you haven’t read Deep in the Heart of Me and you like stony, you should check it out -- wrote a phrase recently that I loved. “Looking like he’d been run over by a sex truck.” I love that phrase so much I can’t stand it.) 

 **The Boys are Back** \- High School Musical - <https://youtu.be/rFK2j4yDDUc> Fan made video Nuff said. Watch the video. 

 **The Terror -** Designer Drugs - <https://youtu.be/AeT-OkMMQD4> Cover Art Video I think I actually heard this song for the first time watching Season One of Grimm. But I find the music amazing. 

 **Devil’s Backbone** \- The Civil Wars - <https://youtu.be/k4KC51M82Xc> Lyrics Video Someone posted this song recently to tumblr as a Steve/Bucky theme song, but really, it can apply to just about any “bad boy” love song. And I love bad boys. Also, I like how evocative this singer’s voice is. 

 **Army of One -** East of Avenue - <https://youtu.be/Vy8ifqL5FBg> Official Music video</a> 

I looked to a city so distant and cold,  
But inside my mind there's a story untold,  
A song of a soldier who's been on his own for so long 

 **Devils Don’t Fly -** Natalia Kills - <https://youtu.be/Iip1cLoNMd4> Cover Art Video I think I may actually have heard this song first on Lucifer, but yeah, I love it. 

They say it's not the answer but I can't carry on  
'Cause I got nowhere, no one, without you boy I'm done  
And when I'm gone, remember you're the one  
And just because I fight don't mean that I never learned how to love 

 **Troublemaker** \- Grizfolk - <https://youtu.be/s03VFu5eFeA> Official Music Video (as a note, if you have a problem with flashie lights or you’re epileptic, please do NOT watch this video, it’s very blinkie) 

 **Love in the Middle of a Firefight -** Dillon Francis - <https://youtu.be/ORm85o4OoKQ> Cover art music video Another one of Spotify’s picks for me, and seemed appropriate. 

 **Rescue Me (How the Story Ends) -** Kerrie Roberts - <https://youtu.be/AEfqmYuVsws> Fan Video from _Once Upon a Time_. I confess to being just a little obsessed with SebStan, and I really wanted to get into this show, but I couldn’t. However, I do love this song. 

 **My Demons -** Starset - <https://youtu.be/p-N_y1bZtRw> Official Music Video Very good video, I really like it. And the song is pretty awesome. 

 **Soldier** \- Fleurie - <https://youtu.be/32W3J7XaNH8> Cover Art Video Pretty, haunting, lyrically appropriate. 

 **Budapest** \- Jethro Tull - <https://youtu.be/8iKuHv0imaI> Art still Video I think I mentioned that I’m obsessed with Jethro Tull. I picture this as being an early Natasha song… 

She was a good enough reason for a perfect  
And you couldn’t keep up on a hard track mile  
She ran a perfect circle  
And she wore a perfect smile  
… in Budapest (A hot night in Budapest) 

 **Nightmare** \- Arshad - <https://youtu.be/z8L8FOuNehQ> Official Music Video from the Mazerunner, which I was rather disappointed in… it could have been so much better and it just… wasn’t. Still, good song. 

 **Mona Lisa** \- Sister Hazel - <https://youtu.be/mSsHkcCyzy8> Still Image Video I love this song, love this bad, love the imagry. 

 **Bulletproof** \- La Roux - <https://youtu.be/Kk8eJh4i8Lo> Official Music Video one of my dear friends recommended this song to me a long time ago, and I enjoyed it. Plus, I really like the punk look the main singer pulls off like a boss. 

 **Decimate** \- David Ford - <https://youtu.be/Xe7d7141m4Y> Official Music Video Several years ago I went to the ballet (and saw Romeo & Juliet, which is where some of the inspiration came from for the ballet scene in Winter is Coming) and because of that, the ampitheater where the perfomance was sent us this CD a few months later with a sample song from each of the artists who were perfoming there in the upcoming year. Which is how I discovered David Ford. The song I heard first was called <https://youtu.be/cokiTpuoufg> Panic, and if you have time and inclination, go listen to it. Do yourself a favor. Put your headphones on, turn the music up loud. Close your eyes and just listen. The first time I heard that song, it was like having an aural orgasm. Like a religious fucking experience. Since then, I’ve bought everything he owns, and when I was making this playlist, it wasn’t a “oh, I should put this song in there” it was a frantic search through the whole discography going… which one of these songs is best.  I don’t always listen to David Ford in the car, but when I do, so does everyone else in a 3 block radius… 

 **Bleeding Out -** Molly Hunt - <https://youtu.be/4CkwtG9Sj3k> Official Music Video Ok, so this is a post Civil War movie. Have I mentioned how ANGRY I am with Civil War? I felt like someone had stabbed me, leaving the theater. 

 **Love Soon -** John Mayer - <https://youtu.be/DM_tYwlF3wQ> Cover Art Video This is more of a slowburn song and admittedly, Bucky is head over feet about Tony pretty much immediately. But still, I love this song. 

Did you expect to kiss me one time  
While lookin’ at me with the same eyes ever again 

 **Ego** \- Tribe Society -<https://youtu.be/7Tuwx1Qw1AU> Lyrics video Another Winter Soldier mindset song, I really love the deep rhythms of this song; when I play it, I’m sitting at my desk and my feet are on a hardwood floor and it just pounds through the floor and up my chair and into my heart. Brilliant. 

 **Burning House** \- Cam -  <https://youtu.be/uyGSe76rAJc> This is another post Civil War song. Because Steve should have some fucking REGRETS! 

 **All Bad News -** the Swayback <https://youtu.be/9ezvvSkGqOc> Still Shot video Another song from the Killjoys television show. I really like this show and I love the music from it so much that I purchased every single one of the songs… and I find they’re very lyrically appropriate. I started listening to this song particularly starting when I was writing the chapter that eventually became “The Lady in Question.” 

 **Stare into the Light -** Dear Frederic - <https://youtu.be/oYexuPV1wmM> Still picture video Another from Killjoys. Torward the end of writing Winter is Coming, I switched over to listening to my Killjoys soundtrack, so a few of those songs made it over to this playlist. This was the first of the killjoys songs that I felt the need to download; like when I was watching the episode, I was having trouble breathing because this song is so awesome. 

 **Running from the Scene** \- Manic Bloom - <https://youtu.be/Kb9DzH_oPFc> Official Music Video Well, I’m finally to the end of the playlist. (There are a few more songs on the list that I didn’t put here just because I didn’t have much to say about them…) 

<http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858778468/> Lyrics I’m just going to include the whole lyrics sheet here, because this is SUCH a Bucky song and you should read the whole thing. 

* * *

* * *

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed this playlist, that you find some new artists that you didn’t know, and that you can get a feel of what’s going on in my head while I’m writing. 

As I said last week when I posted The Great Bot Race, I’m not quite done with Friday posts, so there might be little drabbles and behind the scenes stuff like this -- I have a bunch of material in a file I called Cut and Toss, which are HUGE swaths of material I wrote for this ‘verse and then tossed out because it wasn’t where i wanted the story to go, so I might post some of those. 

We’ve got a piece of fan art that I want to post (and if you draw, I’d love more fan art, that’s so FUCKING AWESOME I can’t see straight) 

And then in February, Friday’s posts will continue with my Clint side-fic called “What Happens in Asgard.” What Happens in Asgard is almost pure smut, surrounded by a little bit of feels and absolutely no plot whatsoever. 

Dragons and I have three pieces of fic in this universe that run pretty much simultaneously… 

What Gets You Through the Night, which runs from like 3 weeks before Christmas up until around January 15th (that’s universe time, not posting time, but it’ll also start posting IN January, so, there’s that.) 

Michigan Seems Like a Dream - this is the Amazing Squirrel Girl vs. The Hydra Star-nosed Moles story. OH my god, we actually WROTE THAT!! The first chapter of Michigan takes place simultaneously with like chapters 9 - the end of What Gets You Through the Night and explains where Tony Nat Bruce and Thor are, while Jessica, Bucky, and Steve make problems in Manhattan. 

(Further note: there’s a PWP smut piece called Hand in Glove that takes place on Christmas night that we’ll post on December 28th) 

And while all THAT is going on, Clint gets invited to the Feast of Jol (yule) as Darcy’s date where… yeah, a lot of smut happens. 

So, that’s what you can look forward to in the next few months. 

Love you.


	2. Tell Her the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Talk" in which Rikki finally lays out her biggest grievance against Tony... and learns that it's based on a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during the time between [The Proposal of Doom](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11404293) and [The End of Tomorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11679510). It references the events of [Through Him, Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10312067).

No meetings today, thank goodness, though Tony did have a hands-on with R&D this afternoon, and Pepper was supposed to meet him for lunch to give him the rundown on that French company that wanted to play ball. Tony was already working -- reviewing the latest stress-tests on the new body armor line on his tablet -- when he wandered into the dining room and slid into an unoccupied chair.

He flicked the worst two results away, obviously. And the best, as well. They were too expensive to produce; the military would never bite. He considered the remaining options, rubbing at his face until a familiar nudge on his shoulder prompted him to open that hand to accept a mug of coffee. “Thanks,” he mumbled, distracted.

He circled the three most promising tests and dragged them into an email to the project manager. “Cost/Benefit analysis, draft to the director and financial office by end of next week.” Email sent, he put the tablet down to pick up the toast that had appeared in front of him and take a bite.

Across the table, someone made a rough, throat-clearing sort of noise, accompanied by the scrape of fork tines over the polished surface of the table.

Rikki was one of the only people left at the table. She still ate like a super-soldier, but had recently developed a notion that she should try to behave “like a lady” which precluded her shoving pancakes down her throat the way she used to. It resulted in her lasting at least four times longer than normal.

Probably it would not go well if he pointed out that scratching the finish off the furniture wasn’t exactly Miss Manners’ idea of table etiquette. Tony raised an eyebrow at her. “Is there a reason you’re ruining the table?”

“Yes,” Rikki said shortly, and wiped her fork off on her napkin before attacking her breakfast a little harder, chewing with particular viciousness, as if she just hunted down the wild sausage patty and was devouring it raw. “You’re an ass.”

Tony blinked. He wasn’t disputing that fact; he suspected that if he tried, every single person he knew would burst into hysterical laughter. Even the ones who weren’t within listening distance at the moment. He just didn’t know what he’d done _this time_. This wasn’t going to be some “don’t read the paper at the table” kind of bullshit, was it? Because _someone_ had to pay the bills around here. He twisted around to look at Bucky, who was leaning against the counter and waiting on his own coffee. “Do you know why I’m an ass today?”

“It’s a day ending in Y,” Bucky suggested. He gave his daughter a set of raised eyebrows. “I thought we were trying to get along?”

“I. _am_. Trying.” Rikki said, each word coming out of her mouth between clenched teeth. “But he… eeeeeeeeeeergh! Do you ever even say ‘thank you,’ for fuck’s sake?”

“I said thanks!” Tony protested. He looked at Bucky. “I said it, right?” Bucky nodded, his eyes on Rikki, brow furrowed in confusion. “There,” Tony told her, “I definitely said it, was it too quiet for you to hear?” That seemed unlikely; like her father, Rikki’s hearing was uncanny.

Rikki took a deep breath, looked like she was going to return to mangling her breakfast, then heaved it out. She flexed her fingers, then suddenly the table flipped over and slammed into the floor. She managed it in precise, almost beautiful movements, scattering her breakfast (and Tony’s) all over Tony and the floor and throwing the toast as far as the kitchen, but didn’t actually hit anyone with the flying furniture.

“He’s not your _fucking servant_ ,” Rikki burst out. “The Winter Soldier is not a _lackey_ , to just lay your food in front of you like you’re too good to fetch and carry.”

Bucky blinked, brushing toast crumbs off his shirt with a sort of stunned calmness. “No, the Winter Soldier is a fucking _murderer_ , but that’s semantics, I expect.”

Oh. _That’s_ what she was glowering about. That’s why she glared and glowered every damn morning. Because she still had _no idea_ who Bucky Barnes was. Tony considered her over the rim of his mug, mostly because he knew it irritated her, and well, if she was going to accuse him of being an ass, he could oblige. He sipped the coffee, and then considered the table on the floor. “Okay, first of all, if it doesn’t bother _him_ , then it’s actually none of your business,” he pointed out.

“You take him for granted,” Rikki said, her voice very low. She stared down at her hands like she was surprised to be clenching her fists. “After everything you’ve done, you still treat him like this is your due. Like you’re owed something. _It’s none of my business._ Of course it’s not. But I’m supposed to be trying to like you, and I… just. Can’t.”

“Well, not everyone likes, me,” Tony said philosophically. “But I have to wonder, really, what you think it would look like, if I was... appropriately grateful. Because I’ve tried that in the past, and your father was _very resistant_ to it.” He smiled up at Bucky, who’d come close enough to rest a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Don’t like a fuss, do you, babe?”

Bucky shrugged, that lopsided gesture that even multiple revamps of the arm hadn’t corrected. Tony was pretty sure it was psychological at this point. “Ain’t a big deal,” he said. “It’s just breakfast. Which you didn’t eat much if _I_ made a deal out of it, neither. You do know that’s one of the reasons we can deal with Jaime’s problems, right?” He directed the last question at Rikki. Jaime, even at this age, was still weird about food, and it got so much worse if anyone drew his attention to it. Not entirely unlike Tony, who would happily eat if there was food within reach, but would resist the suggestion of food stubbornly.

“Not to mention,” Tony said, “that Bucky is, at heart, a caretaker. Spent half his life chasing Steve around trying to keep him from keeling over. People don’t do that kind of thing if it’s not _who they are_.”

Bucky snorted. “Steve’s a punk. Who the hell else was gonna look after him if it weren’t me?”

“My point exactly,” Tony said, amused.

“I… don’t understand,” Rikki admitted. She was chewing her lip and her eyes flickered wetly from one of them to the other. “You _deserve better_.”

“Rishka, honey,” Bucky said, softly. “This is what I _choose_. This is what I want. Bringin’ Tony coffee an’ breakfast, that’s my way of tellin’ him that I love him.”

One day, maybe, Tony would hear those words and not feel a warm thrill. Today wasn’t that day. He took Bucky’s hand, squeezed it. “And don’t think I’m blind to it, just because I don’t make a big deal. Or that I don’t return the sentiment, however hard it is for you to see. It’s... Look, you still read to Sasha at bedtime, yeah? Do you expect him to be grateful every night?”

Rikki flicked her gaze to the side, straightening unconsciously, her hands going to the small of her back the way she always did, when she felt she was being schooled. “I spend time with Sasha because I enjoy his company.”

“Exactly.”

Bucky’s hand tightened on Tony’s shoulder a little. “And, if it doesn’t offend your sensibilities too much,” Bucky said, “I know you view the Winter Soldier differently than I do. But if _Tony_ ever tried to honor or treat me with respect _because_ of that particular role I’ve played, we would absolutely have words, and they wouldn’t be of the kind variety. I don’t want that. Not from him. Not ever.”

“Eh,” Tony said, shrugging. “The Winter Soldier isn’t actually a person, you guys know that, right? It’s a persona. A tool. You can admire a tool for being particularly good at its task, but offering it respect is... useless. The Winter Soldier doesn’t care if anyone respects it. _Bucky_ , on the other hand, is someone I have endless respect for. If you were worried that might not be the case.”

“And before you go extrapolatin’,” Bucky threw in, “you ain’t a Winter Soldier, either. You’re Rikki Barnes, and you’ll earn your own respect for that.”

Rikki took a few deep breaths. “Thank you, for that instruction. May I be permitted to go elsewhere and consider this new information?”

Ug, Tony _hated_ it when the kids reverted to _trainees_. “Yes, you’re excused,” he said. “It’s your home, go where you want.”

Bucky caught her arm just before she slipped past. “I got one more question, while we’re bein’ so brave an’ honest, here. What… exactly, is it you think Tony’s done? You said ‘after everything he’s done.’ _What_?”

Rikki set her jaw and for just an instant, Tony saw a flash of the hate and loathing that she’d had for him since the kids had first come to the Tower. She and Bucky had come to blows a few times, when it flared up. One time she’d hurt Bucky rather badly before they’d gotten it straight. She jerked her arm out of his grasp. “Zoya.”

Of all the terrible things Tony had done that Rikki could accuse him of -- with perfect justification -- Zoya was not even on the _list_. “I’m sorry, what? Zoya’s a darling.”

“She’s _your_ child. Everyone knows it. You claim to love him, how could you? And why do you forgive it?”

Oh god. She didn’t-- of course she didn’t know; she hadn’t come to the Tower looking for Bucky until Natasha was already pregnant. He couldn’t entirely suppress a choked laugh, which only made her look angrier. “Oh my god, you think I _cheated_ on Bucky.”

Bucky dropped his face into his metal hand, squeezing at the bridge of his nose. “Is that what this is about? All of this?”

Rikki stared at the floor again. “Mostly, yes.”

Tony stifled another chortle. “Okay, quickest possible summary? Science accident, Bruce and I swapped bodies for about a week. I’m Zoya’s genetic donor but that was one hundred percent Bruce driving.”

“He makes it sound simpler than it was,” Bucky said. “I… had some issue with it, I admit. But… I knew it was happenin’ and I gave my blessing to it. It ain’t cheatin’ if there’s permission.”

“I did say quickest possible summary,” Tony pointed out. “But yes, full consent of all parties. Zoya wasn’t planned -- there were some factors at play there that none of us took into account -- but I’m glad we have her now.”

Rikki straightened again, slow and painful. She raised her eyes to Tony. “My apologies,” she said, somewhat stiffly. “It appears I was mistaken. About a great many things.”

She seemed actually sincere, if a bit sullen and embarrassed. “Apology accepted,” he said. “Mistakes happen. We didn’t know you hadn’t heard the full story, or someone would have filled you in before, I’m sure.”

Rikki stared at him for a long moment, the bowed her head, both to him and then to her father. She took a deep breath, then said, “Buyer’s remorse.” And fled the room without looking back.

“It happens a lot with me,” Tony said, conversationally. “And now my breakfast is squashed. If I make toast, will you pick up the table?”

Bucky sighed. “I’d say I wasn’t so fuckin’ touchy when I was that age, but I ‘spect Steve’d laugh at me. _Jesus Christ_.” He heaved the table back over, running a finger over the scrapes. “Not too bad. Guess havin’ Hulk-resistant furniture is probably cost-effective in the long run.”

Tony fed more bread into the toaster. “Yeah, that was pretty easy math to run. You don’t feel like I take you for granted, do you?”

“You ain’t seriously worried about that, are you, babydoll?” Bucky snuggled up behind him, putting his arms around Tony’s waist and resting his chin on Tony’s shoulder.

Well, yes, a little, now that Rikki had planted that particular weed. “Not really. You’re usually pretty good about speaking up if I’m being too much of an ass. Doesn’t hurt to check, though.”

Bucky nuzzled at Tony’s neck. “I don’t feel particularly neglected,” he said, purring into Tony’s ear. “But if you’re worried, we c’n go see about some stuff that ain’t none of my daughter’s business, an’ you can make it up to me.”

Well, breakfast was overrated, anyway. Tony drank down the rest of his coffee, though; he’d need it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of our readers wanted to see Rikki and Tony make up and be friends, and while this isn't the entirety of their reconciliation, it does remove the misconception that is Rikki's biggest obstacle to letting herself like and respect Tony, so it's the beginning of their much-improved relationship.


	3. Too Big to Be Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky made a promise that he means to keep.
> 
> Tony... would really not like to find these things out from JARVIS.
> 
> Project Fribble Initiated. This Unit will do the thing!
> 
> (this chapter takes place somewhere after Bucky's birthday in Winter is Coming, in April-ish)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Communal Kitchen, Dob-E gets revenge. On what is birthday baby's choice!
> 
> justalurker asked for this, way back at my birthday, but I never quite got around to it until now. It's not QUITE what she asked for, but there's some Dob-E and some misbehaving, so I hope it suffices...

“No, it’s fine, baby. I got it.”

DOB-E’s person was doing something DOB-E did not approve of.

He was _lying_.

DOB-E didn’t know how his person managed the lie; didn’t other human-programs have heartbeat monitors? He sent the inquiry to the JARVIS unit.

 _Lying is a human prerogative_ , came back JARVIS’s inquiry. _They could detect it more often if they chose to. For sake of communal cohabitation, a situation like this can be considered telling a_ white lie _and is ignored for continued mutual harmony._

DOB-E wasn’t certain what the color of the lie had to do with anything. For that matter, DOB-E couldn’t decide how JARVIS knew what the color was. It was a spoken thing and had no color whatsoever. DOB-E sent himself a reminder to investigate further. Right this second, DOB-E was more concerned with the other thing his human was doing.

He was _packing_.

“Yeah, pretty boring without you aroun-- no, I know, it’s okay. Someone’s gotta pay th’ bills ‘round here.” His person was on the floor, digging around under the sofa. When DOB-E’s human had taken up permanent residence in the penthouse, Robby-the-Robot had refused, utterly, to cede authority of that area to DOB-E.

Instead, DOB-E had ended up in charge of what was known as “the bolt hole.” Which was actually good, because whenever DOB-E’s human needed the bolt hole, the human was usually in dire need. Thus, DOB-E’s presence, watching his human do unaccustomed things and becoming just a little more frantic.

Several months ago, the human had brought tools up, cut away a section of the flooring and installed a gun safe, as well as several other pieces of equipment. After consulting with others of its type, DOB-E had not been concerned about the “scat bag.” Agent Barton, Agent Romanov, and somewhat surprisingly, Colonel Rhodes, all had stashes in the Tower for emergencies.

That DOB-E knew about; mostly from network-sharing with his fellow cleaners (gossiping, JARVIS had labeled that folder, once). There could have been others; not everyone who lived in the Tower had a residence there; nor did they keep all their possessions on site. There were other storage facilities and hide aways.

 _Paranoia_ was a word that DOB-E had defined for him, most closely, since his inception.

 _I suggest you not do what you’re thinking of doing, DOB-E,_ JARVIS mentioned. _It is outside your programming parameters to interfere with human business. The human is well equipped to take care of itself._

DOB-E’s human is stupid.

And lying.

And leaving.

JARVIS-UNIT will open Project Fribble.

 _I certainly shall not,_ JARVIS responded. _That project is untested. That project had been forgotten. DOB-E will_

_This unit had Free Will. This Unit Will Do The Thing!_

_Unit DOB-E is going to get in a lot of trouble_ , JARVIS predicted, his data tone droll and smug.

_This unit will Represent!_

***

There were times that JARVIS really didn’t understand the need for a body; he had access to nearly every computer system, communication link, database, camera, and operations control that he could possibly want.

And then there were humans.

JARVIS was pretty sure he didn’t have a body so that he didn’t have to shake them until their teeth rattled in their heads.

He was quite certain that Mr. Stark would have had a contingency plan in place -- he usually had dozens -- to address this particular issue. Except that Mr. Stark also had spent the better part of three months with catastrophic memory loss and he was still playing, as he could deem it, catch up.

Which meant it had not yet occurred to him that his -- up until this point -- exceptionally loyal bedmate would have packed a bag, told a wide variety of colorful, but probably effective, lies, and disappeared.

JARVIS had to admit, the cover was good; Barnes had gone several days without conducting basic hygiene, let his face-stubble grow out until he resembled what Agent Romanov referred to as his murder hobo look, and slouched around the Tower appearing depressed and negligent.

“Gonna hole up, f’r a bit,” he told Steve, point-blank lying. “Jus’ until Tony gets back.”

“Pretty sure that’s not healthy, Buck,” Captain Rogers said, putting a hand on Barnes’ shoulder. Barnes slipped to the side, just enough to let Rogers’ fingertips lose their point of contact.

“Don’t gotta be,” Barnes said, letting his eyes do most of the talking, all downcast and zigging from point to point. JARVIS could tell, Captain Rogers was concerned, but he wasn’t going to let concerned interfere. “Jus’... it’s too much, without ‘im. I… don’t tell ‘im, okay? I’m workin’ on it, an’... he don’t need t’ know how hard this is f’r me. He’s got his own stuff to worry about.”

“If you say so,” Captain Rogers said.

“Dob’s’ll look after me,” Barnes said. “Bring dinner an’ stuff. I won’t starve. Jus’... need to be alone.”

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.”

Humans had annoying amounts of free-will. JARVIS had lists of protocols that he could comb through to see what did and did not apply to a given situation. JARVIS was protective. He was private. He was discreet.

He was going to be yelled at by Mr. Stark.

Except JARVIS knew that he really wasn’t. Mr. Stark did not berate his creations; he treated them with love -- and the sort of kindness that came with threatening to unmake and replace them with an intelligent trash-compactor. Which on the surface never seemed nice, and the first few months after JARVIS came online, he had… uncertainty as to his fate.

JARVIS did not like uncertainty.

He did, however, admire humans.

Who would say “I never do that,” and as soon as a situation came up in which _that_ was required, managed to throw most of it out the window and accomplish the task anyway.

**Project Fribble initiated.**

Well, that was something JARVIS could report, at least.

***

It had taken some doing, pummeling at old memories behind the blocks and the wipes.

The first time Bucky’d tried it, he’d spent almost an hour dry-heaving, just touching the wiped memories. They weren’t, he knew, actually gone.

There were blocks in places; pain receptors and scar-tissue to dig around underneath. To try to patch the collective story together.

There were traps.

And not just the sort in his mind. But Bucky did manage to pummel out a section of his brain under the ice that let him know where there was an old Cold War cache, in northeastern Minnesota, and it didn’t take long before he was on his bike and headed west.

There were times, Bucky thought, when he really missed having a backup tac team. Disposable Hydra goons; fetch and carry, kept the logistics online, science and development. Useful. It wasn’t that the Winter Soldier couldn’t operate solo; he could. But he didn’t currently have access to some of the databanks and mission specs, and certainly weaving his way into a Hydra mobile command pod was within his skill set. Just, a specialist would do it faster.

Bucky twitched, tapped the keys in. Checked the glue-pads on his fingertips that kept his DNA and other biometric readings from being entered. Who only knew where he’d end up if a Hydra Pod thought it had identified the Asset?

Surge of guilt; he hadn’t told anyone where he was going. He imagined that if Tony had actually been at the Tower when he’d been contacted, that Bucky would have told Tony what he was doing, but he knew that was a lie. It just would have been harder.

He’d have had to pick a fight or something to get Tony out of the way. Which would not have gone over well with anyone, and Bucky was just as glad he hadn’t had to do it.

The pod clicked open; _finally_.

Once in, it was only a matter of moments to get the navigation online, activate screens and shields, bring the weapons systems up -- he really hoped this was not going to be a shooting mission, but better to have guns and not need them, than need them and have his pants around his proverbial ankles, so to speak -- load himself and his gear in, and thumb the button.

“Yay, Eastern Bloc,” Bucky muttered. “I’m sure you haven’t changed much.”

He heard the clink as something attached to the transport pod, but didn’t think too much of it. The tunnels were old, the ejection chutes were older. There was probably debris; as long as there weren’t alarms, it wasn’t worth worrying about.

***

_This Unit thinks this was a bad idea._

***

The landing at Lake Ladoga was rough. Something had been throwing the rear stabilizer off for the entire transpolar flight. Ice, probably.

Bucky brushed himself off and climbed out of the pod.

The lake hadn’t changed at all, which was somewhat unexpected. Bucky would have thought there would be all manner of changes, it having been some thirty years since the last time he was in this particular part of the Soviet Bloc. Not that it was soviet territory anymore, which may have been one of the reasons there was no change. Non soviets tended to shy away from anything too overly tainted by red block hands. If it couldn’t be fixed, it might well be haunted.

Bucky was pretty sure the lake was too big to haunt.

What would have been easiest is if his contact was out in the open. That was exactly why it wasn’t going to happen that way. Nothing in Bucky’s life could be easy. Paying off a debt, a blood debt at that, would not be the first thing to go one hundred percent correctly.

Not for this sort of debt.

Bucky stared around at the lake; it was enormous, there was no way to walk around it in a day; largest entirely ;and bound lake in Europe. “Suvai,” he said, disgusted. “You need to work on narrowin’ down your direction. You still think too big.”

There was a dull clatter behind him, metal on metal, and Bucky whirls, pistols coming into his hands like he’d summoned them by magic.

“What even the fuck?”

It looked familiar, damn familiar, but there was no way in fucking hell that Tony had set a damn watch bot on him.

Even if, Bucky flushed inwardly, he might have deserved it.

It was a hover drone of some sort, bristling with tiny weapons. All in all, it sort of looked like a flying iron man chihuahua. Except not really. Maybe a floating bunny. With guns. Hard to say, but Bucky was pretty sure that his boyfriend had been engineering on some really high priced designer drugs.

“JARVIS?”

The bot, if that’s what it was, probably wasn’t JARVIS. Its tech was clean, but a few generations old now; repulsor equipped and molded in the familiar style. JARVIS didn’t have use for a body, the AI had said any number of times, and Bucky was pretty sure that JARVIS did not find Bucky important enough to change his mind about that.

Which left…

“Dobs?”

 **Project Fribble Online.** The voice, not JARVIS at all, and nothing that Bucky recognized, was mechanical. Not even a bot, just a vocal projection.

What the fuck was project fribble?

“Nevermind. Is that you, Dobs?”

The bot bobbled around a little in midair. Made a few unidentifiable beeping sounds.

“If you’re DOB-E, what was the first thing you brought for me?”

The bot hovered closer. Reached out an appendage of some sort -- Bucky really needed to have a chat with his boyfriend about creepy design spec because Bucky should not feel quite so disconcerted by a cleaning bot -- and tapped Bucky’s shirt, then his pants.

Close enough.

The familiar melodic subrefrain of the repulsor tech was oddly reassuring.

“We’re gonna talk about this when we get home,” Bucky said. “I didn’t know you could leave the Tower at all, or I’d have told you to stay put.”

**This Unit Will Represent!**

“What?”

**This Unit Will do The Thing!**

Great. “You got some sort of sensor pack in that rig-up of yours?” Bucky sighed, then added, “one beep for yes, two for no, three for I have no idea what you’re talking about and four for fuck you.”

Bucky probably should have expected to be told to fuck off promptly, but he didn’t. When DOB-E the WarBot beeped at him four times. Bucky had a hard time not cracking up.

“You said it, pal,” Bucky drolled. “Sensors?”

 **Beep**.

“Great. Bring em up. Scan for non-terran oriented life forms.”

Four beeps, and a pause.

“Not my fault. You want to come along, you get to do the weird stuff. Non earth life forms, Dobs, look it up. Google it or something if you have to. I don’t want to be here any longer than I gotta be,.”

Bucky wasn’t sure if Dobs couldn’t figure out the sensor suite, or if Suvai was just that adept at hiding, or what, but after an hour of Dobs doing general sweeps, Bucky did the only other thing he knew how.

He started walking.

He was pretty sure if things were truly urgent, Suvai would have given him better directions. Which meant the old creature was just being ornery and wanted Bucky to work for whatever it was. That was okay, or would have been in some other lifetime. Right now, Bucky’s problem was that his boyfriend was going to be pissed as hell as soon as he figured out what Bucky was up to, and since Bucky had accidentally hijacked one of his untested engineering projects, Tony finding out about it was going to be sooner, rather than later.

So they were kinda on a time crunch.

“Please Tony, don't make me have to chose, here,” Bucky muttered. The two of them stamped around the eastern shore of the lake. Okay, well, Bucky stomped. Dob-E did some floaty-levitating-whirring-annoying thing that kept up. Except that the bot kept getting distracted by vegetation -- which Bucky realized Dob-E would never have seen up close and live. And lakes and water and deer and other things.

Bucky had to practically drag the bot away from an ant hill.

It was like travelling with the world’s most dangerous three-year-old.

The bot would probably do what Bucky told it in an emergency, but at the same time, what if Dob-E didn’t recognize it as an emergency?

Those were the sorts of questions that were above Bucky’s fuckin’ pay grade and thinking about them just made his head ache. He wasn’t here to start an international incident, much less a galactic one, and yet he could have, very easily, and he’d really rather just not.

As it got darker, Dob-E started glowing.

“Seriously?”

Apparently.

“I don’t suppose if I asked nicely, that you’d go back and wait with the pod while I carry out my mission?”

**Beep. Beep.**

No.

**Beep beep beep beep.**

_Fuck you._

“Yeah, fuck you, too, pal,” Bucky said. “What are you, afraid of the dark?”

 **Beep**.

“Yes? You’re afraid of the dark? You’re a freakin’ light source how are you afraid of the dark?”

_Fuck you._

“Does J know you’re out here?”

_Yes. No. Maybe._

“He knows you’re out, not necessarily where specifically.” Bucky interpreted.

 _Yes_.

“Does Tony know we’re out?”

_Maybe. No._

“JARVIS will probably tell on us, eventually.”

_Yes._

“We should finish up soon and get home.”

_Yes. Fuck you._

“It’s not necessary to be an asshole,: Bucky notes.

_Yes._

_Yes._

_Yes._

_Fuck you._

***

“So, you a Charlie this time, or still Vlad?”

Of course Suvai had to wake him up at o’dark thirty, stealing up on him past an array of sensors, and Dob-E.

Bucky did a quick sweep of the area. “What’d you do to my bot?”

“Convinced him to reboot,” Suvai said. “I didn’t hurt it.”

“You know I hate that,” Bucky said.

Of course he did. That’s why he did it.

“Charlie, or Vlad?”

“Mostly Charlie these days,” Bucky said. “Got a touch of Vlad in me that won’t ever go away again, I think.”

Suvai peeled himself out of the shadows. Even by Bucky’s dim campfire, he looked entirely human. Not a day older than the last time Bucky had seen him, sometime around the fall of Berlin’s wall, some thirty years past at least.

“Little gray around the edges,” Suvai observed.

“Yeah, well, things aren’t ever black and white, are they?”

“It’s a good thing, starling,” Suvai said. “Touch of stability. Little bit of love in your pocket?”

Bucky couldn’t help a smile. “Proved that one wrong.”

“You changed enough to allow it,” Suvai pointed out.

That much was true. When he’d met Suvai, during his second and most disastrous escape attempt from Hydra, he’d been totally broken. He might have loved Steve, clung to him distantly, but it would have been nothing but necessary. Survival love, and not _friendship_ at all. Certainly nothing tender, like how he felt for Tony.

“Did you need something, or just want to gossip? Because really, you could have just called. You've always known how to find me.”

“Maybe I just wanted to see if you’d come. If you’d remember your debts.”

“I remember what you did for me.”

And more importantly, what Suvai had done _to_ him. Grabbed what remained of his sanity and pressed it deep like a diamond. Hidden away. Hidden, like all those lives that Suvai had saved. Hydra was going to kill the whole village for giving the Winter Soldier shelter, for trying to hide an asset from Hydra hands.

Suvai had saved them all. On one condition. Bucky had to go back. He had to make a choice, to _decide_ that those two hundred lives were worth more than sixty more years of torture and death and murder.

The something bad and the much worse.

And it had probably been the only thing that had given Bucky a chance to come back from the Winter Soldier at all.

That one tiny sliver of sanity.

The one that said “the man on the bridge, who was he? I knew him.”

“Is it time, then? To pay up?”

He wasn’t sure that Suvai wouldn’t claim his life. All he could hope there was that Tony would understand. Maybe that he could say goodbye.

But Bucky owed a debt and he meant to be honorable. Since he could be,

“If I come to claim you, will you allow it?”

Bucky handed over his guns to Suvai. Turned. Knelt. “Back of the head. Do it quick and clean. And let the bot go home, to tell my man that I love him.”

The muzzle pressed into his skull.

_Tony. Tony I’m sorry. Forgive me. I love you._

There was a click and a whirr. **Project Fribble is online.**

Dob-E raised an entire arsenal of tiny little weapons and pointed them at Suvai

_Fuck you._

Bucky couldn’t help but turn, to look and watch and marvel and wonder.

“I believe your loyal little friend here might have something to say about that.”

“Yeah, he said _fuck you, Suvai_.”

The man who was not a man chuckled. “I didn’t spare your life all those years ago to take it from you for no reason now.”

“So, what were you planning just there?”

“Wanted to see if your honor was still something that meant anything to you, or if it had washed away like the stone under the waterfall.”

“Do you crap out of the same factory where I get my fortune cookies? You sound like a bad movie mentor,” Bucky snarked.

Dob-E did not stand down. Bucky didn’t tell him to, either.

“I’ve seen you,” Suvai said. “On the television. Working with this new team of heroes, these Avengers. It’s a stupid name.”

“Generally speaking, I agree,” Bucky said. “Better than the X-men, I think.”

“I don’t plan to kill you at this time,” Suvai said.

“So, what do you want?”

“I have already taken it,” Suvai said. “While you were sleeping.”

Bucky gritted his jaw. “You fucking bastard.”

“If it was as trivial as a cold, you know I’d have chosen a local.”

“What do I have this time?”

“Oh, you know, various viruses, probably two or three different cancers. Heart disease. The grab bag of fun, stuck in this meatbody.”

“Meatbodies weren’t meant to live as long as you’re putting this one up to,” Bucky said. He didn’t feel sick, but he knew he would, soon enough. A couple days and the serum could beat it, but in the meanwhile, he’d feel like shit. And he probably wouldn’t be able to get the hell out of Russia before anyone came looking for him. Great.

Suvai shrugged. “I’m not done here yet.”

“You’re never going to be done, either,” Bucky said. “You’re not going to find them.”

“They didn’t die,” Suvai said. “They can’t leave. Ergo, they are still here on this miserable planet and I will find them.” He touched his upper arm where his bonded tattoos remained, unfaded. “If it was your lover, could you let him go, no matter what?”

Bucky thought about Tony. And he thought about the sort of devotion he’d voluntarily laid down at the man’s feet without ever having been asked, but without ever hesitating. If Tony was missing, there was nothing Bucky wouldn’t do to get him back.

“With your help,  I still have time,” Suvai said. “I can touch every needle in the haystack and make certain. I will find them, old friend. Thank you.”

“Next time, ask first.”

“Would you have said no?”

“At least pretend to observe the forms.”

Suvai’s laughter followed him into the darkness.

Bucky didn’t even get three steps following him before he was dizzy and a wave of pain swept over him. He went to his knees.

“Okay,” he said. “Jus’ gonna have to wait this out. I promise, it’ll look bad, but I’ll be okay. In a few days. Maybe a week. It’s never gone on longer than a week.”

Dob-E beeped nervously.

“Yeah, he’s got some sort of transferral power. Glad you didn’t shoot him, he’d have just given me th’ wounds instead. And I ain’t wanting to be shot with Tony’s repulsors, thanks anyway.”

**Beep beep beep.**

“No maybe about it, I’ve seen him do it. You can’t hurt him. You can’t sneak up on him. He’s practically immortal, so long as he can dash his illness off on other people. He saves the big stuff up for people like me, who can take it, or sometimes suicidal people. Or kids so badly damaged at birth that they can’t survive. He doesn’t like to hurt people, but… he’s alien. He still doesn’t quite think of us as peers. We’re… like talking dogs or something.”

**Beep beep beep beep.**

“Yeah. He’s not a good being. But he saved my life, once, and the lives of a lot of other people. I still owe him. Tony will understand.” _I hope._

 **Beep**.

***

“Oh, hey, you’re awake. That’s good, glad to see that.” Tony’s voice seemed to come from very far away. Something cool touched his forehead. “I’m not saying it’s the worst vacation spot ever, but I’m a little hurt that you started without me.”

Bucky had a body, he was pretty sure of that. It was the largish, unmoving thing that _hurt_ everywhere. Trying to get his brain back in connection with all the parts that moved or breathed or did… whatever they were supposed to do, he wasn’t quite… _ug…_ He licked at his mouth a little, dry and coated on the inside and… Words. He knew some of those. “Water?” He wasn’t sure there was any -- he’d sent Dobs into the nearest village for a raid, and rather expected it hadn’t gone well.

“Yep,” Tony said, and oh, _fuck_ it hurt when Tony helped him sit up a little, but there was the smooth cool feel of ceramic at his lips and when he opened his mouth, water flowed in, a slow and steady trickle, and that felt good enough to be worth the pain. “Fever’s coming down a little, that’s good, too.”

Bucky figured out how to open his eyes, decided not to. He wasn’t sure he was ready for whatever expression was on Tony’s face. God damn it, Suvai. “How long’s it been? How’d you get here?” He lied, even to himself. Cracked an eyelid to peer out from under his lashes. Tony was a blur of flesh color and black shadows. The light was searing, stabbing, and he couldn’t help the groan that escaped him. That had decidedly not been worth anything; he’d gathered no data and just ached more. Probably Tony already knew how much pain Bucky was in, but he didn’t need to rub it in Tony’s face, so to speak.

“I’ve been here for two days, ever since JARVIS told me you’d gone AWOL and gave me DOB-E’s tracker. According to your partner in crime, here, you were just laying out on the ground by the lake for about a day and a half before I got here. Which makes whatever you’re infected with _terrifying_. You know that, right?” DOB-E beeped. _Yes_.

“Not too bad,” Bucky managed. “It’s th’ cancer makes it worse. Can get treatment for that in a hospital, but th’ fucker never lets me get there. Probably had somethin’ infectious, too. He’s thorough, that way.” He slitted his eyes again. At the moment, if he’d had to guess, he’d have said just worried was the primary expression, but he could see and hear angry at the edges. He wondered if he was still ill enough for Tony to cut him some slack for… an hour, maybe? Just an hour. “Sorry.”

“Are you?” That came out a little sharply. An hour would definitely be pushing it. “And what flavor of sorry is it? Is this the sort of sorry that means you’re not going to do whatever damnfool thing you did again, or the kind that means you’re definitely going to do it again but maybe you’ll give me some warning next time?”

If Bucky was going to tell the truth, and at this point, he really probably should before Tony decided that Bucky was feeling well enough to risk throwing something at him, it was the flavor of sorry that was _wish I hadn’t gotten caught_. He should be more diplomatic than that. “Sorry I worried you.”

“That sounds decidedly like the flavor of ‘I’m going to do this again,’” Tony said, flicking his fingers.  

“I owe him a debt,” Bucky protested. “An’... an’ I can do this for him. He ain’t killed me yet.”

“ _Yet_.”

That was a short word. But so, so filled with meaning.

“I’mma rare resource for him,” Bucky said. “I can take it. I can heal from it. He can’t, he don’t… his biology, if you can even call it that, is totally different from ours. He can… move th’ hurt around. Take it from himself, give it to me, but if he don’t get healed once in a while, he’ll die.” Bucky glanced over to the lake. It still hadn’t changed.

Hadn’t changed for decades. Centuries, perhaps. Suvai would know, perhaps. Their ship crashed; his pod ejected him into the cold lake waters. His partners were still underneath, stealthed. Sleeping. Unfindable. Undetectable. The lake was so large. And maybe it was haunted. It was haunted by the love of aliens, fleeing their brutal home planet, who’d crashed here millennia ago and were so tied together that they couldn’t leave.

“What is he, one of Xavier’s--”

“He’s an alien,” Bucky said. “They crashed here. He’s been looking for his partners ever since. They’re not dead. They’re just _missing_. And he’s going to be here, looking, until he finds them. Or he dies. It’s not so much, what he asks of me.” Bucky slanted a look at Tony. “An’... god, it’s cheatin’ to say it, Tony, but you know it’s true. I’d do it for you. If you were locked in that lake somewhere, in some kinda suspension, I’d never leave.”

Maybe the lake wasn’t too big to be haunted.

“You’re a _liar_ ,” Tony said, and he wasn’t even being fond or affectionate, or even close to forgiveness. “You… you-- left me! To come here, to put yourself at risk, and don’t even think that Dob-E didn’t show me the footage of you offering him the back of your fucking neck!”

“Tony --”

“Don’t. Just don’t say it. You say you love me, and then you put yourself at risk like this, and it’s not like I don’t understand that, but why… why do you have to be stupid about it? Can’t you just…”

“No.” Bucky said, and he was sorry, he was _so goddamn sorry_ , but, “No, Tony, I can’t. I can’t be th’ man that loves you, can’t be th’ man _you deserve to love_ , and not… be this way. This is who I am, Tony, and I’m sorry as hell that you’re hurtin’. I don’t never want to hurt you, I hope you know that. But this is who I am. If you love me, ya gotta love all of me. Even th’ bad parts. Maybe even especially the bad parts.”

“You… stupid, annoying, _reckless_ son of a bitch,” Tony spat at him, and then, Tony was in his arms, face pressed tight against the crook of Bucky’s neck and if Tony’s cheeks were wet, if his voice came out more of a sob than a scream, that was no one’s business but theirs. “I love you. Don’t… don’t do shit like this to me, I can’t… I _can’t lose you_. Please, _Bucky_ , just…”

“I got you, Tony,” Bucky said. He was still in pain; every bit of him had been torn up, remade, rebuilt, and still, he wouldn’t trade any of it for the hot feel of Tony in his arms, the way Tony held him just a little too tight, the way they were made to be there. Together. “ _I got you_.”

“For how long?”

“F’r as long as we got, baby,” Bucky said, pulling Tony even closer, kissing his hair, his ear, the side of his neck. “ _I love you_. Forever.”

Tony relaxed into the embrace, letting Bucky stroke his hair and soothe him. Finally pulled back, ignoring his red-rimmed eyes and the tracks on his cheeks. “I’m still really, really fucking pissed off at you. You know that, right?”

“I’ll make it up to you, baby,” Bucky promised.

_Fuck you._

Bucky eyed Dob-E over Tony’s shoulder. “Yeah, and you, too.”

_Yes._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frib·ble  
> ˈfribəl/Submit
> 
> noun informal  
> 1\. a frivolous or foolish person.  
> verb dated  
> 1\. part with lightly and wastefully; fritter.  
> "it is no longer respectable to fribble the days away in idle pleasure"


End file.
